"Letters"

c. 2007 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(4-07)


Note to Readers: The letters included here are fictional and imaginary. They represent a daydream-in-print about what a ‘letters’ section of this page might produce.

Thoughts At Large has existed for more than nine years. In that period, the subject matter here has varied, widely. Many sources of inspiration have helped drive the creation of new wordsmithing episodes. In a sense, it has been an ongoing writing exercise with no editorial limitations. Yet one area of interest has never been addressed in this space - reader mail. What follows here is a brief overview of public comments about the column:

Dr. Edward Claire, Burton – "Dear Mr. Ice, Your columns are entertaining, but I note a constant theme of poor eating habits. Could you consider writing more about dietary health and exercise?"

Dr. Claire, I would gladly compose more articles for this newspaper about enjoying balanced meals and healthy living. If only… I could get my mind off of fried bologna, Buffalo wings, gravy over home fries, bacon sandwiches, smoked cheese, barbecued SPAM, and pizza with Italian sausage! Seriously, I was raised on traditional cuisine. So my ability to adapt has been somewhat impaired. Still, I hope to someday discover authentic enjoyment from a meal of yogurt and lettuce. Until that day… bring on the bratwurst!

Judy Sopko, Montville – "Dear Rod, I heard from my neighbor that you once wrote an entire column about Pork Rinds. Is this true?"

Yes Judy, it is true. The installment was called ‘Pork Rind Fever.’ I included cultural references, a brief history of the snack, and recipes. Also analyzed were the social and political implications of consuming such an infamous treat. In the process, I learned that this crunchy pork delicacy is popular throughout the world!

Jebediah Pfront, Middlefield – "Dear Mr. Ice, I remember that you wrote about running for political office in the past. Is this still something you consider?"

Well, Jeb, the subject of competing for elected office frequently arises in the Ice Household. I’d enjoy a chance to revive the kind of independent thinking and strong values that once defined our nation. Since my wife is staunchly opposed to any such activity, I doubt it will happen, however. Another problem is my personal outlook. I am not generally a fan of modern political parties. And getting elected without their financial endorsement is all but impossible. Still, it is an intriguing prospect.

Margie Cartoni, Hambden Township – "Dear Rod, You often mention Liz, Soccer Fairy, and several other characters in your columns. Are they real people or just personalities created by your imagination?"

Margie, everyone mentioned in my features about the household is real. I use fictitious names to protect their identity. Keep in mind that while these adventures are based in fact, I tend to ‘embellish’ the truth for enhanced artistic merit. It is a habit many writers use regularly.

Joe Mrowca, Newbury – "Rod, I really enjoy reading your columns about beer. How many times have you written on this subject? Do you plan to write more about local breweries in the future?"

Joe, I’m glad to hear that you’ve enjoyed reading my thoughts about adult refreshment. It is a beloved subject in this space, surpassed only by music or automobiles. Yes, it is very likely that brews will again be mentioned, in future TAL installments. But I have no plans to create anything of the sort at this moment.

Mary Byler, Parkman – "Dear Rodney, Your funniest columns are about cooking. Is this really something you enjoy, or is it just a gimmick for the newspaper?"

Mary, the obsession with kitchen projects is real. Being in a busy household, I learned at a very young age to cook for myself. Initially, the sort of meals I created were frighteningly artistic… a favorite used to be fish sticks, covered with scrambled eggs and seasoned by a dash of liquid smoke. But eventually, I began to understand the proper relationship between fruits, meats, grains, and vegetables.

Dick O’ Lonigan, South Russell – "Mr. Ice, I am the Geauga president of the ‘Chevette Road Association Project.’ (C. R. A. P.) Some of my members read that you once owned a version of this thrifty GM automobile. Is it still in your possession? We’d love to invite you to one of our curbside, ‘hatchback’ picnics!"

Dick, my Chevette was a tan, 1981 four-door model. The car ran erratically, and began to fall apart immediately upon leaving the dealership. Still, it would get nearly 40 mpg on the highway. I’m sorry to report that the last bit of life in this car was exhausted at 77,640 miles. It served as a storage shed for dog food until we finally had it towed away in the late 80’s.

Carol Wzendski, Troy Township – "Dear Rodney, Your adventures in radio with ‘Val the Polka Gal’ were fun to read. Have you ever thought about a real career on-the-air? If so, would you stick with the polka theme?"

Carol, Yes the desire to try professional broadcasting has persistently held my interest. Sharing a microphone with Val was entertaining and educational. At the time, workplace responsibilities would not permit me to explore the idea further. But in this post-retail period of life, I could actually consider taking to the airwaves. My own slant would be different… more inclined toward a ‘talk’ format, or exploring vintage Rock ‘n’ Roll recordings by Link Wray, Davie Allan and the Arrows, or Dick Dale.

Nagel Krupp, Chesterland – "Rod, Who is Al Luccioni? You’ve written about him twice. Was he your friend in Pittsburgh? Is that your hometown?"

Nagel, Al Luccioni was a fictional character created by the Pittsburgh Brewing Company. I had an ‘Al’ sign once in my collection of beer relics. He reminded me of the kind of father many kids from my neighborhood had in the 1970’s. It was easy to pretend that he was a real person… so easy that I had imaginary conversations with him, in print. We argued the merit of Browns football versus Steelers, just as I did with friends from school. My family traveled extensively, so I graduated in New York State, after pauses in Southeastern Ohio, Kentucky, Virginia and Pennsylvania. But Columbus is my birthplace.

Hazel Stumpf, Thompson – "Rodney, was that you playing an apostle in the ‘Living Last Supper’ at our United Methodist Church on Maunday Thursday?"

Hazel, Yes, it was I. It was I! I performed the role of Matthew, a tax-collecting publican. My speech was only one page of text, but it required hours of practice to remember. Fortunately, I was spared the role of Judas. His role is one I would not want to inherit.

FROM THE GEAUGA COUNTY MAPLE LEAF, CHARDON, OHIO