“Moving Meditations”

c. 2007 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(3-07)



Moving is a chore.

No intellectual construct can nullify this truism. It resists any form of interpretation or ‘spin’ that human logic can produce. Simply, finding a new point on the map represents shifting our most basic element of existence: location.
George Carlin used to call it "having a place for our stuff." Even those without a specific address keep some point of reference from which to operate. Perhaps a car filled with business materials? Or a truck loaded with goods needing to be hauled? In any instance, our need for a home base is constant.
Recently, a household restructuring did more than simply reinforce our need for some kind of consistent personal geography. It also provided new lessons for the future:

TWELVE THINGS I LEARNED WHILE MOVING

1. Moving Proves: Inter-dimensional travel is real.
Remember the Fox Network show called ‘Sliders?’ Lost items are simply on another plane of existence, waiting for us to make contact. In the midst of a move, they typically reappear because we have opened a portal in the vast continuum. Shuffling possessions upsets the normal balance of nature. We are interfering with the relationship of ‘empty space’ and ‘filled space’ as tangible quantities. So each move opens a gateway between the worlds.
Moving Proves: Workout routines are expensive, and unnecessary.
The activity develops physical strength and agility without extra cost. Do you think Bally Total Fitness has the answer? Try carrying a surplus hospital bed through piles of family relics. Or… tote an upright piano from house to house, during leisure moments. The result will be conditioning on par with athletes in the NFL. No credit check is needed! Apply today!

2. Moving Proves: Philosophical debate can come from anywhere.
A move inevitably spurs family interaction about the need for ‘stuff.’ Aunt Millie may encourage a total purge of every household item not used for sixty minutes. Meanwhile, Cousin Melvin might defend the keeping of check stubs from 1972 as a habit worthy of praise. The contrasting opinions can provide useful cerebral stimulation. When enjoyed against a backdrop of adult beverages, such brain exercises can yield enhanced self-awareness and understanding.

3. Moving Proves: Ten pounds of sausage really does fit in a five pound skin.
Getting rid of household goods is taking the easy path to success. A more challenging route involves space management. This is where politically correct, gender neutrality disappears. The female ability to condense matter is magic at work. Stack it high!

4. Moving Proves: Nothing lasts forever.
Nature is constantly in motion. Oceans swirl, continents evolve, and the global atmosphere displays conditional trends lasting thousands of years. But none of this is eternal. Home parameters are no different. They may change many times over the course of a generation. From an apartment, to a condominium, to a trailer, then a typical house, and back again. Only a good collection of beer cans or Sports Illustrated issues really endures over time.

5. Moving Proves: Trucks are useful, even for city folk.
Those inclined toward a progressive environmental outlook are fond of criticizing large automobiles. In particular, their disdain for truck-like vehicles is well known. Yet how many of the same individuals will accomplish moving chores in a Toyota Prius or Chevrolet Aveo? Most will quietly affirm that gas-guzzling, tire-shredding, fume-belching workhorses actually have a place in modern society. (This knowledge will be quickly disavowed when returning to political correctness.)

6. Moving Proves: Human psychology is never satisfied.
In residential terms, it is our nature to consistently want something else. A bigger house. A smaller house. A secluded home in the country. A spot closer to schools and shopping. A winter bungalow. A summer cottage. More closets, a bigger basement, a recreation room, an indoor pool, a patio, a library… or a streamlined, silver fortress on wheels! No matter what we own, it should have come in a different color or configuration. (See number 10)

7. Moving Proves: Dirt is unstoppable.
Say it to yourself. "How did THAT get there??" When moving possessions, dust and lint seem to appear magically. No matter how diligent the household cleaning regimen, dirt wins inevitably. It can discover the tiniest crack between floorboards. Or the most miniscule gap behind an appliance. This is why some of us simply choose to accept reality as it is, and live. Sadly, the part of civilization that will NOT embrace such inevitabilities can cause great suffering for less tidy folk.

8. Moving Proves: Animals are smarter than people.
After a household transition is accomplished, the unavoidable task of reorienting family pets can begin. This is usually equivalent to potty training children. Household guidelines must be carefully reestablished. In the interim, chaos reigns! But we are willing to endure great measures of personal sacrifice for our animal friends. In the end, their needs may become more important than ours. So… who is really the master over whom?

9. Moving Proves: Internet access makes everything better.
The first order of business after any move used to be – hooking up the telephone. Then, it became the television set. Now, being plugged into cyberspace is more of a priority. Living without the virtual vastness technology provides is unthinkable for more than the duration of a power outage. A home with web connectivity will be happier, and peaceful to experience. Those denied such privileges are doomed to watch back-to-back-to-back episodes of ‘Dora the Explorer’ while yelping for mercy. Or likely to end up playing Parcheesi for an entire weekend.

10. Moving Proves: Old age is a stealthy predator.
Fond bits of the past often surface during a household relocation. These relics make us pause, and reflect on bygone days. Was 1961 really so long ago? Only yesterday, youngsters scribbled their innermost secrets in a locked diary. Now, the same kind of naked revelations are spread across networking sites like MySpace. Once, having a pocket radio with six transistors meant living on the cutting edge. Now contemplating life without a cell phone, Wi-Fi notebook, and a hybrid car is horrific. Each advancement raises the level of sophistication for those coming of age. Yet it reminds the rest of us how primitive our own lives once were!

11. Moving Proves: Bills always arrive on time.
They find us… somehow. Letters from family and friends may wait years for delivery after missing our mailbox. But payment due notices arrive in a flash, despite logistical hurdles. Their arrival is more certain than the march of Federal Agents toward terrorists in hiding.

12. Moving Proves: Real men do cry.
Cry for a beer, that is… or two… or three. Moving is physically demanding, but also a task that requires mental toughness. One needs the ability to stub toes, jam fingers, scratch walls and mark floors. This must be accomplished without reacting to the inevitable criticism that follows. The reward for such durability is humble, but satisfying - a river of cold brew!

Once a move has been accomplished, the process can begin again. It is a cycle of nature that has been accelerated by modern habits. Our ancestors may have preferred to dwell in the same home over a course of generations. But we of the 21st Century are restless by birth. Marriages, architecture, lifestyles, history… nothing survives without change. Our modern civilization has a template always ready for redesign.

FROM THE GEAUGA COUNTY MAPLE LEAF, CHARDON, OHIO