ONE FAN'S OPINION - X-treme Sports

New X-treme sports leagues could help revitalize Ashtabula County - or not
by ROD ICE
Gazette Newspapers
Much has been written and said lately about planning the future direction of this county. It is a subject that interests nearly everyone, regardless of their own perspective.
Some believe that business pursuits could lead the way to better things for our residents. Others are convinced that developing greater cultural awareness might pay dividends. Many insist that political action is the foundation of progress.
But for a young sports fan named Josh Riddle, one inevitable conclusion remains.
“We need more games to follow!”
Josh is a writing student at Byler College & Feed Store, not far from the Pennsylvania state line. We’ve had many long discussions about the future of sports journalism over pizza and wings. But recently, his observations were even more spirited than usual.
“Good sports are a thrilling diversion from everyday routines,” he said.
“But what about sports that are better that - say, crazy good?”
My reply made him frown. “I’m content with football.” “The county is well-prepared with teams that compete in football, baseball, softball, basketball, soccer, cross-country, track, swimming, tennis, and golf,” he moaned. “But these are sports found nearly everywhere.” I grinned. “And your point was...?”
“To generate extra interest in ‘Bula, and build a unique identity,” he pronounced, “We need something more. Some new athletic match-ups that could add zest to the local flavor. A type of gaming designed to please growing minds that have become bored with the same old thing. X-treme sports for the 21-st Century.”
I took a deep breath. “Don’t let me offend you Josh, but I could watch football all year ‘round. I don’t need x-treme anything. Except perhaps an x-tremely big amount of Italian sausage on my pizza.” He snorted with irritation. “I’m working on a list. Take a look at this... I know you’ll be impressed! Don’t lie - you’ll soon be begging to run it in your newspaper!”
From his notebook, he produced a roster of alternative sports creations. My stomach began to growl for mercy as I read the manuscript:
Austinburg Bull Riders - Co-sponsored by Jewels Dance Hall, this league of cowboy competitors might be our county’s toughest. Participants would be brave souls who straddle the mechanical beast to win macho bragging rights, and racing souvenirs.
‘Bula Supersized Bocce League- What could be more perfect for a county full of wineries? This festive Italian pastime is already enjoyed by many of our residents. Making a cross-county league might change the nature of summer fun in our region, forever. Forget tradition, use something hefty like a cannonball! It would connect us with our European neighbors in a way that playing soccer could never hope to achieve.
Conneaut Cricket Club - Few Americans have heard of the British game called cricket. Fewer still have participated in an actual match. So if a local confederation was started, it is unlikely that anyone would know if the players got it wrong. That alone might guarantee success for the league. Serving plenty of Bass Ale with fish and chips could seal the bargain. Play could begin in Ohio’s sharpest corner, and develop according to interest.
Dorset Dodge Ball - This pursuit is growing quickly as a favorite for young athletes around the nation. It is fast-paced and requires trained reflexes. The sport translates video-game intensity into live competition. To win, a player must jump, twist, and turn with skill and endurance.
Morgan Motocross Track - Flying through the mud on knobby tires would appeal to many residents of the county, without an x-treme slant. But when charged-up with big hills, obstacles, and lots of dirt, the sport could revolutionize our surroundings. Finish with a buffet of food from the Rock Creek Pizza Shoppe, and it ought to be a magical venue.
Sheffield Skateboard Park - Kids from the post Gen-X era never grow tired of skateboarding. But the county has too few places where the sport can be enjoyed without causing public irritation. A few sculpted slabs of concrete could change that reality, however. Add a sound system, and the spot would be complete.
Monroe Mower Motorway - Riding mower racing combines the fun of yard work with the glory of NASCAR. It is a sport almost any American could enjoy on a personal level. Imagine spinning wheels during a full-power launch from the starting line! It would be irresistible to hardcore racing fans, and those with a green thumb.
Williamsfield Wind Walkers - Skydiving enthusiasts could do a big jump over the township, then parachute toward the shores of Pymatuning Reservoir. On the way, their aerial acrobatics would entertain spectators on the ground.
Perambulator Baja 500 - County residents have heard a lot about the history of olden-day baby carriages. But an off-road adventure with a stylish buggy? It hasn’t yet been tried. Studded tires would help the kid-carts gain traction under rough conditions. Mothers would compete through a process of face-to-face elimination until a winner is decided.
“These x-cellent choices would offer variety to the county sports scene, and bring ‘Bula into the 21st Century,” Josh boasted. “Beyond that, they could encourage the growth of local tourism.
It would be an x-tremely good situation for everybody.” I had reached my limit. “Josh, I’ve got to admit, this really has an effect on me.”
He was hopeful. “Really? Thanks! I am honored!” “I’ve got an x-tremely big bellyache after reading your plan,” I said. “It’s time for some Rolaids, I think.”
He closed the notebook and left, quietly.
Our conversation was x-tremely over!