ONE FAN'S OPINION - Monster Trucks

ONE FAN’S OPINION

Monster trucks belong in Ashtabula County
by ROD ICE
Gazette Newspapers
The summer is a time when most people in Ashtabula County busy themselves with picnics, outdoor activities, and vacation time. But for a Pigskin Sports-Dad like myself, this part of the year has another name. We call it ‘The emptiness between football seasons.’
Yes, baseball, golf, soccer, basketball, volleyball and even bocce are fine warm-weather activities. But none of these competitive sports offers the gut-wrenching adrenaline rush of a high school football game. People who know the onset of madness with an appearance of fall weather understand this point. To borrow a bit of logic from Doctor Phil: “You either get it - or you don’t!”
For the true Pigskin Sports-dad, waiting for the next gridiron season to begin can be an endless, lonely chore. We get little sympathy from children, and even less from our wives. Beer and Buffalo Wings may ease our woes for a few weeks, but the effect is not everlasting. Going fishing can divert our minds from the craving, temporarily. Firearms, archery, and home construction projects may mute the pain of nights without football. But we need an equivalent experience to completely calm the shock of football deprivation.
This dilemma has made us PS-Ds crazy for many years - until now. Recently, I was listening to my favorite topical talk radio program on WFUN 970. The host and callers were discussing ways to improve the county, and produce economic growth.
And then, a flash of inspiration brightened my day. It came in two simple words:
MONSTER TRUCKS.
Our county is Ohio’s largest, in land area. we are blessed with quaint geography, appealing architecture, and friendly people. Yet we still need a kind of economic stimulus to spur growth in the region. This would be the way.
A Monster Truck park would fit Ashtabula County with perfection, demographically. Try embracing such rowdiness in Lake or Geauga County, and it might be seen as an act of social aggression. But having loud, smoking, big-tired, metal workhorses rolling around our rural acres would be a natural fit - and ever so satisfying for Pigskin Sports-Dads on the mend. The only difficulty in bringing these fuelburning horses to the county might come from deciding where to put the park.
Austinburg immediately comes to mind, because of the presence of Jewels Dance Hall. This secluded, country music haven is legendary across America. It would be the perfect companion for a new herd of mud-slinging pickups. Jefferson might hold sway over potential fans simply because it is the county seat. And, its central location would be an added plus. Trumbull Locker might easily lure the Monster Truck venue to their home township. Having raucous, four-wheeled entertainment next to some of the world’s tastiest smokies, sausages, and jerky could be irresistible. Geneva-on-the-Lake would also be perfect because of its history as a center for summer entertainment and motorcycling. Prowling the strip with a beefed-up F-150 just might be the best way to relieve no-football stress that was ever imagined.
Combining the trucks with our yearly ‘Medieval Faire’ could modernize the appeal of one event, while adding a touch of Old World refinement to the other. Imagine the trackside chatter at such a cross-generational happening:
“I pray thee, behold Bigfoot in all its glory, with cubic inches measured in the hundreds, a skidplate of finest chrome, knobby tires fit for a stout tractor, and King’s-issue four-wheel-drive, to boot!” Andover would be a point on the map already well known to seasonal travelers. Hartsgrove could tie-in the Truck Park with a re-opened Emporium. Pierpont would boast one of the coolest names for a township in Ashtabula County.
Still, my own favorite spot would be Rock Creek, where the Monster Truck Menagerie could be just a thrown connecting rod from Thompson, home of the drag raceway. A connecting strip could be built between the two communities that might actually rival any other attraction in the county. Fans could cruise easily from one attraction, to the other, leaving lots of disposable cash in their wake.
It would be guaranteed to numb the ache of a Pigskin Sports-Dad. At least until fall breathes a first wisp of cold into the air. And then, the process would start all over again.