“Reasons to Smile”

c. 2008 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(1-08)


Recently, Liz and I were invited to a special mid-week service at the Montville Reformed Greater Holiness Faith Partnership & Congregation. Their note arrived as I was busy working in the Icehouse home office. My wife was immediately taken with the professed focus on addressing community needs in a spiritual context. She began to read the announcement as I researched a newspaper feature on frontier edibles.

“Listen to this,” she said. “Come join our conversation about the future! Pastor Lemuel Claypool will open the conference, with a message on ‘Reasons to Smile.’ A group discussion will follow, to address needs and opportunities in the community. The resulting consensus will be forwarded to our governor in Columbus.”

Undeniably, the event sounded uplifting. But my thought-train had been broken by her interjection. “I was just reading about hardtack and coffee during the Civil War…”
“Reading about what?” she said with puzzlement.

My grin went wide. “Did you know they made ‘skillygalee’ by crumbling hardtack into water, then frying the result in meat drippings?”

Her response was a wordless frown. I let the subject drop.

Liz marked the Montville event on our calendar as I poured a fresh cup of Java. Other items in our stack of mail had soon diverted her attention. But the title of Pastor Claypool’s address continued to reverberate inside of my head.

“Reasons… to smile…” I whispered. “Reasons to… smile.”

I went blank while attempting to continue the article on primitive cooking. Yet new inspiration swirled from the creative cosmos. Suddenly, a list appeared on the computer screen. My fingers were tapping away, on their own:

REASONS TO SMILE

ONE: Traffic on the Chardon Square was finally re-directed last year, to allow for easier travel without driving around in circles. Not surprisingly, diagnosed cases of vertigo dropped across the county as a result.

TWO: The Cleveland Browns managed to win ten games, and end a season without firing their head coach. In franchise terms, this made it a Superbowl season.

THREE: Recent water woes in Burton were unfortunate, and agonizing. Yet they offered cause to discuss the village supply tower without wondering whether or not the giant utility should be painted like a stack of pancakes. Those on both sides of the ‘Flapjack Flap’ agreed that this was a positive development.

FOUR: The spirited conflict between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama has provided much fodder for the mainstream press. But these two potential Democratic Party presidential nominees have helped detour media organizations from stories about Brittany Spears. For that reason, most observers were grateful for their feud.

FIVE: A Middlefield instrument purveyor helped to diversify our cultural tone in recent years, by offering Banjo Lessons to eager students. As a result, kids hooked on MTV and the i-Tunes Store were given a new perspective on music. The result was immediate: this pastoral village has now given birth to a Rap/Country musical hybrid called SNOOPGRASS. In anticipation of the phenomenon’s development, lessons in break-clogging and how-to-do stunts with lowrider buggies have both been proposed as part of an alternative summer festival.

SIX: After returning to Cleveland, colorful Representative Dennis Kucinich announced his withdrawal from the U. S. presidential race. News organizations around the area were glad to have their most prolific headline-generator back on his native soil. Meanwhile, The Chardon High Polka Band released a commemorative tune in honor of the Congressman, titled ‘Kielbasa for Denny K.’

SEVEN: Erie, Pennsylvania resident John Kanzius became a hero on the Northcoast by inventing a process to use water as a fuel source. The retired broadcast engineer and former TV station owner made this discovery while searching for a cancer cure. When proven by further scientific study, his idea might turn the region around Lake Erie into a wealthy paradise like the oil-rich kingdoms of Arabia.

EIGHT: Release of John Gorman’s book ‘The Buzzard’ evoked fond memories for those who grew to adulthood during the golden age of WMMS. As program director from 1973 to 1986, he helped develop the station from a hippie-era FM outpost into the glorious ‘Buzzard Radio’ we knew and trusted. Less successful as an author was Margo Breckla, who wrote ‘Eggs and Toast – Coast to Coast.’ Her story began in California, where the potential starlet worked as a carhop for A & W. She appeared in several B-movie classics like ‘Hot Rod Haymaker’ and ‘The Devil Wears Red Underwear.’ After traveling cross-country in a Volkswagen microbus, she landed at the Woolworth’s snack bar in Chardon Plaza. Her stint as a waitress and fry cook lasted there until 1990.

NINE: A pair of local sisters was reprimanded by the Geauga County Fair leadership for using their cattle as living billboards for protest. Christen and Lindsey Ferguson brought two animals to a December weigh-in with the message ‘DRUG FREE’ brightly painted across their flanks. The action seemed to come in response to last year’s champion steer being disqualified for steroids. The board reacted with an immediate suspension until the girls apologize. However, former Senator George Mitchell noted the story after it was picked up by United Press International, and issued a statement of support. He challenged Major League Baseball owners to implement the same sort of labeling for their non-enhanced players, to restore public confidence in the national pastime.

TEN: Those ‘shopping victoriously’ on eBay have been treated to a generous portion of Geauga items during the past few months. These included postcards, newspapers, ceramics, and historic photographs from early in the twentieth century. Also seen was a stash of plastic bags left over from Fisher’s Big Wheel, the long-departed chain of discount stores that once operated in our county.

Liz smirked after reading my list. “Are you really going to submit that to the newspaper?”

“Of course,” I said. “What’s the problem?”

“I think you took some liberties with the truth!” she giggled.

“Maybe the details were embellished just a bit,” I agreed. “But the message still rings true.”

She shook her head. “What’s next? The Geauga County Commissioners honor Olden Moore for his UFO encounter in 1957?”

I was stunned. “Hmmmm…”

“Or maybe Bigfoot meets Midge to fight crime in the county?” she chirped.

“Hey,” I exclaimed. “That’s a great idea, sweetie!”

She stomped her heel. “Rrrrrrodney!”

“Let me quote Foghorn Leghorn,” I said. “It – I say - It’s a joke, son! Don’t get all worked up!”

Liz left in a huff. But it didn’t matter. The feature was done.

My reasons to smile did indeed differ in substance from those offered by Pastor Claypool. Yet we shared belief in the hopeful nature of personal joy. That common ground provided a strong enough foundation for the writing project.

I felt confident that my column would connect with local readers. Tomorrow… I could begin the process again!

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