“New Year Blues”

c. 2013 Rod Ice

All rights reserved

(12-13)

My “real job.” How I have paid the bills while engaging in the craft of professional journalism.

As a business manager, one of my primary responsibilities is always to protect the assets of my employer. This has occasionally meant going above and beyond the call of duty. A quantum leap beyond earning a regular paycheck.

Yet on a distant New Year’s Eve night, my loyalty was tested not by the ownership, but instead through seeking fulfillment from an outside service for which we had paid.

At closing time, I realized that a technical flaw prevented me from completing my work day. I needed to set the alarm system before going home.

But a zone fault appeared on the alarm panel.

Our monitoring service had been bought out by a company from out-of-state. So when I called, there was a moment of indecision before they realized who I represented.

What follows here is an edited transcript:

ALARM CENTER: “Hello, this is Erie Surveillance Solutions. How may I help you?”

ME: “Hello, this is Rod from Store 0777 in Ohio. I am having trouble with your system tonight.”

ALARM CENTER: “What is your issue?”

ME: “The panel says Zone A fault.”

ALARM CENTER: “We show no trouble at the monitoring desk.”

ME: “Really! That seems surprising. My panel indicates a fault.”

ALARM CENTER: “Can you key in your code?”

ME: “If I could do that, I would not be on the phone, ma’am.”

ALARM CENTER: “Have you checked the doors in Zone A?”

ME: “Of course.”

ALARM CENTER: “I need you to confirm that those doors are properly shut.”

ME: “I checked them just a moment ago.”

ALARM CENTER: “Where is your store?”

ME: “Northeastern Ohio. We were previously served by Republic Sentry.”

ALARM CENTER: “Hmmmm. Yes, we purchased that division this year.”

ME: “Do you have any idea how to help me?”

ALARM CENTER: “What is your business number?”

ME: “Store 0777.”

ALARM CENTER: “We show no fault with your system.”

ME: “The panel says two faults in Zone A. Can you just set it from there?”

ALARM CENTER: “We only monitor activity from here.”

ME: “Well, who can help me?”

ALARM CENTER: “You will need to speak to a technician. It will take approximately ten minutes.”

ME: “Great. Thank you!”

It took three calls and a full hour before the appropriate connection was made. By that time I was bathed in sweat. I had re-checked the doors in our backroom and paced around the store several times.

TECHNICIAN: “How may I help you?”

ME: “This is Rod at Store 0777. I am trying to set my alarm system. But the panel here indicates a Zone A fault. Actually, two faults.”

TECHNICIAN: “What panel do you have there?”

ME: “It says Rodeheaver 9940.”

TECHNICIAN: “Ummmmm... what?”

ME: “Rodeheaver 9940.”

TECHNICIAN: “Those are quite old. I don’t have any manuals for that unit.”

ME: “I have been told that the device goes back to the 1980’s.”

TECHNICIAN: “Indeed. Why haven’t you updated it?”

ME: “I don’t make those decisions. I suspect my employer is preoccupied with the cost of complying with government regulations.”

TECHNICIAN: “What?”

ME: “Never mind. Can you help me?”

TECHNICIAN: “I will have to look up that panel on the Internet. Can you stand by?”

ME: “Do I have a choice?”

TECHNICIAN: (Laughing) “Well, no.”

ME: “Then I will stand by.”

Another hour passed before he contacted me again. I had now made four phone calls.

TECHNICIAN: “I found your Rodeheaver 9940 on a Chinese website. What you need to do is enter Command 14, then your access code, then scroll to the zone showing a fault and bypass it with Command 10.”

ME: “Okay. Let’s see... active faults... Zone A... bypass... wait a minute! Now I have all the zones bypassed. Now it says too many bypassed to set.”

TECHNICIAN: “I am sorry. This is what it said on the Internet.”

ME: “I need to clear the bypasses and start over!”

TECHNICIAN: “Ummmm... Command 10.”

ME: “What?”

TECHNICIAN: “Command 10 then your access code. Or your code and then Command 10...”

ME: “I think it would have been just as good to figure this out on my own.”

TECHNICIAN: “Sorry. That’s all I have.”

ME: “Okay, I did all of that.”

TECHNICIAN: “Now set the alarm.”

ME: (Punching keys) “It still won’t accept my code.”

TECHNICIAN: “I am sorry. That is all I can suggest.”

ME: “I want to go home!”

TECHNICIAN: “Your only option is to force arm the system.”

ME: “With a fault existing?”

TECHNICIAN: “Right.”

ME: “Won’t that trip after I leave?”

TECHNICIAN: “I honestly don’t know.”

Before arming the system, I called our business owner. It seemed proper to warn him of the possible folly of what I was about to do, so near to midnight.

Outside of the store, I called the monitoring company for a fifth time, on my cell phone.

ALARM CENTER: “Hello, this is Erie Surveillance Solutions...”

ME: “Yes, this is Rod at Store 0777 again.”

ALARM CENTER: (As if she had never heard of me) “How may I help you, Rod?”

ME: “I would like to confirm my alarm set.”

ALARM CENTER: (Looking at her computer) “Yesss... I show your set with six zones bypassed.”

ME: “That can’t be right! I cleared all the bypasses and started over. The alarm should be set with only Zone A bypassed.”

ALARM CENTER: “We show six zones bypassed.”

ME: “But I cleared everything with your technician on the phone!”

ALARM CENTER: “I am sorry, Rod. What was your question?”

ME: (Cursing under my breath) “Never mind. Have a good night.”

ALARM CENTER: “Thank you for choosing Erie Surveillance Solutions.”

A repairman visited the next day. He discovered a damaged sensor with ripped wires as the cause of our technical issue. The fix took about an hour.

Before leaving, he wished me a “Happy New Year!”

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