“Flat Tire Encounter”

c. 2012 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(6-12)




Note to Readers: Friends of this newspaper have frequently heard me observe that the best columns seem to be inspired by everyday events. What follows here is a recent example of this phenomenon – an unexpected encounter that reminded me of the true value of human kindness.

On Monday, I paused in the vast parking lot of a local retail megacenter that operates in Chardon. My schedule had been full since morning, when a repairman visited to work on our home air conditioner. After running errands around the county, my cell phone was full of messages. So I decided to park somewhere out of the traffic stream, and catch up on personal business.

The day was seasonably comfortable and bright. Echoes of Ray Davies singing ‘Sunny Afternoon’ lingered in the air. After a few restful moments spent reading texts, my mood had mellowed. Worry over unfinished chores evaporated.

I paid little attention when a white Pontiac Sunfire pulled in next to my truck. It carried plates from the state of Michigan.

Surprise had me wide awake, when the driver circled to my open window. She was a young, brown-haired woman in colorful ‘hippie’ attire. Her plea broke the lazy silence. “Umm… could you help me change a tire?”

My eyes widened. “Well, of course. Just passing through town?”

She wore handmade jewelry around her neck, wrists, and feet. “I drove here to do wedding photos for a friend. But my front tire came apart. It makes no sense… usually there is a whump-whump-whump sound before that happens. But today, no whump.”

I tried not to laugh at her description.

“Metal string thingies were sticking out of the tire,” she continued. Her long hemp skirt billowed in the wind.

“Ah,” I said. “You broke the steel belt inside.”

“I went to the auto center to buy a new one,” she explained, gesturing toward the gigantic retailer. “They argued about what size I needed for this vehicle. Apparently one profile for the front, and a different one for the back. Finally, the mechanic mounted a new tire on my rim, but refused to put it on the car. Then, they made me leave. So here I am.”

I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. “They… made you leave?”

“I even called my favorite shop back in Michigan, which is Discount Tire,” she said. “They confirmed that my purchase was correct. But the mechanic here refused to finish.”

“That doesn’t even sound possible,” I exclaimed.

“So there’s my story,” she repeated with fatigue. “Can you help?”

There were no tools in my truck. But she had already found the jack and lug wrench that came with her car. It would be a simple task.

“You are the only cool person I’ve met today,” she fretted, as I began to work.
Soon, my forehead was covered in sweat. But a gentle breeze offered comfort. I hoisted her car in the air, and pulled off the old rim.

“Did you tell the megacenter mechanic about being stranded, so far from home?” I wondered aloud.

“Yes,” she replied. “He didn’t seem to care.”

I shook my head. “This is funny, because I am actually a retail manager…”

She smiled with disbelief. “Really?”

“You just visited one of my main competitors,” I laughed.

Her lip curled. “Hmm. How ironic!”

“Customer service is the most important product that my store provides,” I reflected. “More important than bread, milk, or fresh produce. Every day brings new situations. My goal is always the same - to send shoppers out the door with a sense of satisfaction.”

The young woman twirled her plastic hubcap. “All I wanted was a soy latte. That’s why I stopped here in the middle of nowhere.”

Tire black covered my fingers as the new wheel went in place. “Well, I’m sorry that your welcome to town wasn’t so friendly.”

“But you have been good to help,” she said. “I appreciate it.”

“The treatment you received is still puzzling,” I mused. “Was the megacenter mechanic concerned about company liability?”

“No clue,” she responded.

“Mounting the tire on your rim would seem to make his store responsible in some way,” I said. “Why not just finish the repair? Or have someone help since you were in a desperate situation?”

“He wanted me to leave,” she observed. “After he took my money.”

“Service after the sale,” I exclaimed. “Another important component of doing business with the public. It’s not enough to see someone today… I want them back in my store, again and again and again.”

She nodded in agreement. “I like the way you think.”

Once the job had been finished, I picked up her old tire and the lug wrench.

“Did you want this back in your trunk?” I asked.

She giggled with guilt. “Nope. There’s no room. Getting it out was a chore. Just put it in the back seat.” Inside was an assortment of clothing, bags and boxes. Her tire ended up against the rear window.

Suddenly, she offered her hand.

“Your name?” she asked, directly.

“Rod,” I whispered.

“I’m Danielle,” she said with gratitude. “Thank you.”

“Good luck,” I grinned. “And welcome to Geauga County.”

After she drove away, I sat in silence.

Now it was time to go home to the Icehouse office… and write!

Comments about Thoughts At Large may be sent to: icewritesforyou@gmail.com
Visit us at: www.thoughtsatlarge.com

“Homeland Security”

c. 2012 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(5-12)




My recent feeling of uneasiness began with a series of odd messages on Facebook.
Shortly afterward, someone hacked my Yahoo account. The invader used it to send out viral spam, which upset friends from coast to coast and beyond.

I have written many tongue-in-cheek columns for this newspaper, talking about secret messages through my bank ATM, black helicopters landing in my yard, secret plans hatched by the Illuminiati, and a field of mysterious white tubes, east of my home in Thompson.

But a recent morning in the home office brought everything into focus.

I read about a government dossier that covered Washington’s secret plan to spy on everyday citizens who have unwittingly attracted the attention of Big Brother:

“The Department of Homeland Security has been forced to release a list of keywords and phrases it uses to monitor social networking sites and online media for signs of terrorist or other threats against the U.S. The intriguing the list includes obvious choices such as 'attack', 'Al Qaeda', 'terrorism' and 'dirty bomb' alongside dozens of seemingly innocent words like 'pork', 'cloud', 'team' and 'Mexico'. Released under a freedom of information request, the information sheds new light on how government analysts are instructed to patrol the internet searching for domestic and external threats. The words are included in the department's 2011 'Analyst's Desktop Binder' used by workers at their National Operations Center which instructs workers to identify 'media reports that reflect adversely on DHS and response activities'. Department chiefs were forced to release the manual following a House hearing over documents obtained through a Freedom of Information Act lawsuit which revealed how analysts monitor social networks and media organizations for comments that 'reflect adversely' on the government. However they insisted the practice was aimed not at policing the Internet for disparaging remarks about the government and signs of general dissent, but to provide awareness of any potential threats.” – The Department of Homeland Security has been forced to release a list of keywords and phrases it uses to monitor social networking sites and online media for signs of terrorist or other threats… The intriguing the list includes obvious choices such as 'attack', 'Al Qaeda', 'terrorism' and 'dirty bomb' alongside dozens of seemingly innocent words like 'pork', 'cloud', 'team' and 'Mexico'. Released under a freedom of information request, the information sheds new light on how government analysts are instructed to patrol the internet searching for domestic and external threats. The words are included in the department's 2011 'Analyst's Desktop Binder' used by workers at their National Operations Center which instructs workers to identify 'media reports that reflect adversely on DHS and response activities'. Department chiefs were forced to release the manual following a House hearing over documents obtained through a Freedom of Information Act lawsuit which revealed how analysts monitor social networks and media organisations for comments that 'reflect adversely' on the government. However they insisted the practice was aimed not at policing the internet for disparaging remarks about the government and signs of general dissent, but to provide awareness of any potential threats.” - www.dailymail.co.uk

As I scanned the list of trigger terms, like ‘fundamentalism’ and ‘nationalist,’ one word caught my attention. It was my family name.

‘Ice’ had been included on the HSA list.

Immediately, I pondered past statements about Ron Paul, the Hutaree Militia juxtaposed with ‘Hatari’ the John Wayne movie, and faux calls to the White House switchboard.

Had someone really taken these adventures-in-print seriously?

Amusement over the coincidence made me smile.

But later, as I was getting fuel at the Get Go in Chardon, a friend appeared to have taken the story more seriously. Her warning was immediate and direct.

“Rodney!” she screeched. “What are you doing out in public?”

It was my long-time cohort, Carrie Hamglaze.

Carrie was an erstwhile schoolteacher, tennis coach, and city council member who now wrote for our local newspaper. I had trusted her advice for many years.

She was glad that our paths had crossed, yet concerned for my safety.

“Come over here, out of the light!” she commanded.

I took a seat in a dark corner of the store.

“Didn’t you read the story about Homeland Security that hit the Internet, today?” she hissed, fearfully. “The Huffington Post and Drudge both ran with that link.”

“Yes,” I confessed. “Too funny.”

“No!” she disagreed. “Most certainly not funny at all. Your name is on their list. Didn’t you see that, Rodney?”

“Yes,” I said again. “Great material for a column…”

“No, no, no!” she whispered. “Cause to go into hiding. Didn’t you ever watch ‘The Prisoner’ with Patrick McGoohan?”

“Of course,” I replied. “Always loved that show.”

“Beware, my friend!” she warned. “They’ll appear out of nowhere. Then it’s off to the village for you!”

“Carrie, please!” I laughed. “You sound paranoid.”

“If just searching for your name will arouse surveillance by the government, then what about owning one of your books?” she said quizzically.

I coughed out loud. “C’mon now. Are they really going to investigate people who read about bologna recipes and UFO sightings?”

My friend took a deep breath. “What about interviewing with the New York Times? And being visited by the ghost of Ronald Reagan?”

“A bit of political humor,” I grinned. “Nothing more.”

“The Tea Party rallies?” she said in desperation. “And Occupy Wall Street?”

“Everyone has written about those movements,” I opined.

“But… not everyone has their name on the list!” she declared.

I bowed my head. “Okay, you win.”

“You need to disappear,” she advised. “Before the government makes it happen. Go far, far away, Rodney. As far as you can run!”

Before I could answer, she stood up, and spun around to face the door.

“They are watching us, even now,” she said. “I can’t stay here… and neither should you! Just remember that I am your friend!”

She was gone before I could put down my coffee.

On the television screen overhead, CNN repeated the Homeland Security report. I resolved to re-read the story when I got home. And, to begin my next column for the newspaper.

Comments about Thoughts At Large may be sent to: icewritesforyou@gmail.com
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“Loyalty Card Lament”

c. 2012 Rod Ice
All rights reserved
(5-12)



A recent shopping trip for edible bargains concluded with a moment of silent reflection.

My cart was full with out-of-market items like Juanita’s Chicken soups, one with Chipotle and the other with Jalapeno. And bags of Herr’s potato chips, in Sweet Onion, Creamy Dill, and Horseradish & Cheddar varieties.

At my previous stop, I had already purchased Charro Bean Casserole, Larry the Cable Guy’s Hamburger Dinner, and PASCO Curry Express sauces. So I reckoned my family would be happy with such tasty food alternatives in the cupboard.

Yet as my purchase was being rung out, the cashier dutifully asked if I had one of her store’s loyalty cards.

I sighed loudly, pondering the stack of printed plastic already in our household collection.

“No,” I confessed, being totally honest. “But we have so many of them already…”

She laughed at my comment. “Yes, everyone says that. Would you like to sign up?”

Briefly I pondered asking, if such a complaint was common, why the store didn’t abandon their gimmick in the name of good customer service. But taking that line of conversation seemed ill advised. Especially because the reason was already obvious – an ability to gather real-time data about customer habits through such programs.

Instead of arguing, I simply filled out her application. Minutes later, I left the discount emporium with a large sack of goodies, and another card.

While driving home, I tried to remember the first loyalty wafer in my wallet. It seemed likely that, in local terms, Rini-Rego Stop-N-Shop began the trend.

The company was based in Cleveland, and had Geauga County locations in Chardon and Bainbridge.

A bit of research uncovered information on that bygone card’s debut:

“Late in the first quarter of 1995, Stop-N-Shop Supermarkets, which
include the Company's Rini-Rego and Marketplace stores, launched a new target
marketing campaign: Preferred Shoppers Club. Area shoppers receive a
Preferred Shoppers Club card which entitles them to extra markdowns below
weekly sales prices. This program is the first of its kind in northeast Ohio
and allows the Company to offer its customers greater value and will
ultimately enhance its ability to track and understand the buying habits and
purchasing preferences of our customers.” – www.secinfo.com

As a once-upon-a-time resident of New York State, I remembered that food retailer Wegmans had such a reward program in place several years before the idea reached Cleveland. I had signed up to receive discounts when re-visiting the area, or when stopping at their Erie, Pennsylvania location.

A visit to the company website confirmed that their Shopper’s Card had indeed been rolled out at the Corning, NY store, in 1990.

Further investigation revealed that the practice of issuing such cards actually began in the United Kingdom during the early 1980’s. The idea spread globally, until even nations like India, Malaysia, and Iran were seduced by the habit.

As this trend expanded, mobile phone apps like Key Ring made keeping track of loyalty cards less difficult. They let consumers scan and store these cards for easy use, when needed.

Loyalty programs seem to have become an accepted part of life for shoppers everywhere. But America’s dominant food retailer has avoided the practice, completely:

“Many people know that Walmart is the largest retailer in the world. But less of us know that Walmart has also been the largest grocer since 2002, when it sold $53 billion in grocery. As a matter of fact, it is grocery that propelled Walmart into being the world’s largest retailer… But Walmart is not your typical grocer. One of the many things that Walmart does differently is not running any loyalty card programs of the kind popularly practiced by more than half of supermarket chains, including top names like Kroger’s Club Plus, Safeway’s Club Card, SuperVal (Shaw’s) Rewards Card, Ahold USA’s My Stop & Shop Card, and Giant Eagle’s Advantage Card, and more.” - http://blog.89degrees.com

While the lure of loyalty cards remains strong, consumers appear to be voting against their use by visiting Walmart. Still, the market remains committed to this device. Shoppers accept them at many popular stores in return for savings and convenience. So the message for retailers is mixed.

As the day ended, I counted the cards in my own wallet. There were twelve in all, not including those used so rarely that they had been tossed into a desk drawer. Each one represented a link to my personal shopping history. And, to bargain hunting in the 21st Century.

Comments about Thoughts At Large may be sent to: icewritesforyou@gmail.com
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